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Dec 26, 2020

My two guests on today's show flew to my home in Spokane to train me and my wife Jessa in some very special forms of breath work training that they specialize in, particularly for couples and tantric sex, but also for trauma, emotional release and much more.

Stefanos Sifandos describes himself as a relational alchemist, international speaker, and author who facilitates transformational growth through neuro-empowerment practices, an integration of spiritual praxis, and western psychology to improve, evolve, and enhance the quality of relationships. By integrating the best of Eastern and Western methodologies and philosophies, and using integrative techniques methods, Stefanos has created programs and systems to enhance the quality of your life, your relationship, and, in essence, bring them closer to their potential.

Christine Hassler is a best-selling author, keynote speaker, master coach, and podcast host who is committed to guiding people and organizations into their highest potential. She left her successful job as a Hollywood agent at 25 to pursue a life she could be passionate about, but it did not come easily. After being inspired by her own unexpected challenges and experiences, she realized her journey was indeed her destination. Her thirst for personal development continued as she dived into self-help books, attended seminars and retreats, got trained in neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), and eventually pursued her master’s degree in spiritual psychology with an emphasis in consciousness, health, and healing from the University of Santa Monica. As a student (and eventually, faculty member), Christine found that the principles she learned at the USM were foundational to her life and work. In 2005, she wrote her first book 20 Something 20 Everything, and then the 20 Something Manifesto in 2008. Her latest best-selling book, Expectation Hangover: Free Yourself from Your Past, Change Your Present and Get What You Really Want, is the guidebook for how to treat disappointment on the emotional, mental, behavioral, and spiritual levels.

The breath work course we discuss in detail in the show is their Breathwork and Meditation Series (use code BEN to save $30).

During this discussion, you'll discover:

-What a "relational alchemist" is...08:15

  • Moving from an undesirable place in a relationship to what you love
  • What's not giving us clarity is a sense of unresolved pain, trauma, fear
  • First build safety, rapport, trust between Stefanos and his clients

-The role of breathwork in Stefanos' practice...10:15

-How Christine became a life coach...15:55

  • Began life coaching in 2004
  • Blend coaching with psychology
  • Identify the emotional root cause of an issue
  • "I've been my own best client"
  • Left successful career in Hollywood
  • Masked insecurity by being an overachiever
  • Wrote first book 20 Something 20 Everything shortly after becoming a life coach
  • Grain Brain by David Perlmutter
  • Labels create limitations

-How Christine and Stefanos met...23:00

  • Both were tired of uncommitted relationships prior to meeting
  • Nice to have the emotional intimacy prior to meeting physically
  • Article: The 36 Questions That Lead to Love

-The protocols Stefanos and Christine did with Ben and Jessa this past August...31:45

  • A few of the questions:
    • "When I look at you, I see..."
    • "When you look at me, I think you see..." (perception checking)
    • "When you look at me, I want you to see..." (how we want to be perceived)
    • "When I feel most angry, sad, etc."
  • Get the intimacy back in the relationship before talking about issues
  • Create safety so the other feels "seen"
  • Empathy through stillness

-The science behind breathwork that connects couples...38:00

  • Voluntary hyperventilation (alters brain chemistry)
  • Shared experience, sensory overload, brings about camaraderie together
  • Breathing does not alter the oxygenation of the blood
  • Regulating CO2, the main driver of respiration
  • Voluntary hyperventilation blow down CO2 levels
  • Respiratory alkalosis
  • Enter a non-ordinary state of consciousness
  • Access unconscious parts of the self you can't ordinarily access via breath technique
  • Unconscious memories that precede the relationship come to the forefront

-How the body resists anticipated change from breathwork or therapy...47:15

  • The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel Van der Kolk
  • Ben became very sick during Stefanos' and Christine's visit
  • We store experiences in the body; pattern-recognizing machine
  • Resistance vs. releasing

-Enhancing lovemaking with the tantric approach...52:05

-How Christine got off antidepressants...1:03:00

  • Diet: No gluten, alcohol, sugar
  • Depression is oftentimes suppression and repression
  • Emotional release work vs. catharsis
  • Temper tantrum: Children self-soothe if you let them alone
  • Intuition was muted while on anti-depressants (her biggest asset as a life coach)
  • Not wise to quit meds cold turkey
  • Article: Dark Side of Antidepressants by Chris Kresser
  • Christine's podcast on the Joe Rogan show
  • Anxiety, anger, etc. are the body's alarm system (which we can miss with medication)
  • Why Zebras Don't Get Ulcers by Robert Sapolsky
  • Primal sounding (screaming, guttural sounds)

-Rules for getting to the other side of arguments and disagreements...1:14:45

-And much more!

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Got a question or comment for Stefanos, Christine, or myself? Drop a comment below, and one of us will reply!